Posted by: adastra4you on: January 2, 2009
Posted by: adastra4you on: November 14, 2008
i’m feeling the giant need to create right now. a need to have a space where i can throw paint at walls and express music through art. i took song lyrics and interpreted it into this giant wall mural with graphics and pastels and color and it made me feel good. i loved the release and the wave of the arm and the stroke of the marker. it was exhilarating.
so… when i go back home, i’m going to create a studio space for myself. an area where i can self-express and get out the bottled up emotions that i have into art forms. someone told me that they thought i was more than likely a four on the enneagram and it’s more than likely true.
Posted by: adastra4you on: November 14, 2008
Please dont say I love you, those words touch me much too deeply
And they make my core tremble
Dont think you realize the effect you have over me
And please dont look at me like that, it just makes me want to make you near me always
And please dont kiss me so sweet, it makes me crave a thousand kisses to follow
And please dont touch me like that, it makes every other embrace seem pale and shallow
And please dont come so close, it just makes me want to make you near me always
Please dont send me flowers, they only whisper the sweet things youd say
Dont try to understand me, your hands already know too much anyway
It just makes me want to make you near me always
And when you look in my eyes, please know my heart is in your hands
Its nothing that I understand, but when in your arms you have complete power over me
So be gentle if you please cause your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth, baby
And it makes me want to make you near me always
Your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth, baby
And it makes me want to make you near me always
I want to be near you always
I want to be near you always
I want to be near you always
Posted by: adastra4you on: November 14, 2008
i had a moment tonight. i was driving back from picking up my beamer and i was sitting at a red light… just having grabbed some tim hortons and i had pulled up on the little automatic window button to let the window slide up and it hit me… i love my car. i feel honored to have my car. i only have it for two and a half more years, i better remember each moment that i’m in it, what that feels like, what sort of memories were made in the car. i better remember so my attitude around it shifts… no longer is it an expense, it’s a part of who i am and what i’ve been allowed in this world.
then i got to thinking… there are so many things in life that we need to have gratitude around. for me, one of those things are certain people in my life. i need to be grateful when someone amazing comes into my life, i need to cherish the time i spend with them, soak up whatever i can, give back as much as i can and just make the most of it. because… you never know when it’ll all go away. the person may leave, they may disconnect or things that were unforeseen may get in the way. if we’re not taking advantage of the hours, minutes and seconds that we are with them, when they are gone we’ll be left heartbroken.
i think this happens when you reach the level of resonance that is desired in your life. we all have different resonance and we resonate differently with people and things on this earth. when we are met with something that resonates on the exact same level as we do, it makes a huge impact on us both emotionally and mentally. it doesn’t allow us to forget or push aside that feeling… when we are often misunderstood, having that understanding is fresh, clear and wanted but when it goes away, you can be left feeling a little lost… like being in the desert without a compass or a guide.
the beauty of this though… even though these thoughts could be viewed as negative, they have the counter-effect. they make you stop and breathe and view and listen. they make you appreciate and admire and take advantage of what you’ve got. they make you live. in the truly literal sense… those moments make you more alive than you may ever be. and that is pure deliciousness.
Posted by: adastra4you on: November 9, 2008
i’ve come to realize that something happens when you’re in a romantically passionate love affair. there’s a whole lot of push / pull. push until you get what you want and then there is the pull back from that. push them away and there is the attempt to pull you back in. push / pull. i equate it as well to a seesaw. we all remember those things that we played on as children as we went up and down, up and down, up and down… passing the time away. this is no different. we’re just passing time.
so, i’ve realized that in order for me to get aligned with what i want, i have to stop biding my time… stop waiting for the perfect moments and just go for it. or…. the flip side is to not go for it if that isn’t something i’m aligned with. you have to be 100% behind whatever it is you want out of your life because if you aren’t, you aren’t truly authentic and unique and aspired to be. you just exist and survive. so, i’m going to work on aligning myself back up with the different things i want out of life. creativity, sensuality, passion, freedom, time to reflect, social… and shoes. we always need more shoes.
bringing it back to the first part…. you can’t be in a romantic, passionate love affair without giving something up. the way you decide if it’s worth it is by asking yourself, “am i giving up enough for it to be worth it? or, am i giving up too little? or, am i not giving up anything?” once you have time to inner reflect on those, you’ll be able to better answer the questions that lie ahead on your journey.
Posted by: adastra4you on: November 8, 2008
stormy seas and clear blue skies
riding on that natural high
everything that is everything
making even bluebirds sing
hopeful hearts are heavy now
the bluebird gently wipes its brow
rain falls soft and sun retreats
darkness in and light depletes
bluebird tucks away tonight
tomorrow he will take his flight
but until now he rests his wings
and someday soon he will sing
for not uncommon is the ride
of a bluebird waiting for the tide
carry him so far away
i’ll meet him soon another day
bluebird blue and grass so green
someday soon i’ll be seen
Posted by: adastra4you on: November 8, 2008
i love giving head. like, truly love it. it’s just one of those things that i do well and when i can make someone of the opposite sex moan in pure ecstasy and lust, i find pure pleasure in that. i relish it too… when i’m doing it, my mind and my head space is right there in that moment. i’m not one of those girls who does a few seconds of it and then tries to revert to the hand-held version… nope, i keep going until the point is nearly there and then i stop. i stop and wait. once the breath slows again and the eyes open slightly, i go at it again until the breath gets to its quickest point and the body gently arcs and the eyes close tightly… then i stop. it’s an amazing process that build-up and it makes for some of the best moments i could ever hope.
so, put your pants around your feet, sit back and relax. let me do what i’m passionate about.
Posted by: adastra4you on: November 8, 2008
if you ever read through this (i know i’ll give you the link someday soon) i want you to know that i’m not really an emotional idiot.
i figured it all out tonight – why i am the way i am and why i feel so strongly about this entire situation. that one week… the one week where i had you to myself… it made me realize that i was missing everything you were. now, before that makes you freak out, know that i’m not looking at you with the thought that you must be mine. it’s more that you showed me exactly what i was missing and it shook my world up.
for years now, i’ve been unhappy in my relationship. i’ve just been too scared or unsure or thinking that i must just be going through a moment to ever really think of an alternative. having you be the exact person you were during that one week made me realize that i am missing out on a lot. i need someone in my life who can talk to me the way you did (coy, sexy, deep, meaningful), someone who finds passion in music, someone who looks forward to talking to me and someone who really is invested in making me feel good.
i’m figuring things out for myself slowly but surely and i’ve realized that i really want you.
Posted by: adastra4you on: September 16, 2008
When you’re dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part
You roll outta bed and down on your knees
And for the moment you can hardly breathe
Wondering was she really here?
Is she standing in my room?
No she’s not, ’cause she’s gone, gone, gone, gone, gone….
When you’re dreaming with a broken heart
The giving up is the hardest part
She takes you in with her crying eyes
Then all at once you have to say goodbye
Wondering could you stay my love?
Will you wake up by my side?
No she can’t, ’cause she’s gone, gone, gone, gone, gone….
Now do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hands
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hands?
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hands?
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my , roses in my hands?
Would you get them if i did?
No you won’t, ’cause you’re gone, gone, gone, gone, gone….
When you’re dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part
Posted by: adastra4you on: September 16, 2008
and i find myself longing for more…
so… i’ve got to quit you.
i’ve just gotta quit you.
and no, i don’t want to.
but what else do i do?
